anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
My hair seems thin lately. I know where to find the stray white hairs. My age isn't that much, but time definitely weighs on me. Summer is coming - gasping hot days, strangling dark nights. Missing the midnight sun is a constant ache, akin the one in my joints. It's so dark here, all year round, and I don't know how anyone can stand it. How can one look at the stars when it's too hot to breath, amid insects crawling and biting?

This place might kill me. It might turning me sour first. Everyone I've met here is so closed in their ways, so sure that things are someone else's fault(usually minorities.) No one reaches beyond themselves to see beauty in the world. The rule of here is tall daisies get cut down(and it's a bit baffling to watch companies that operate on 'squeaky wheel gets the grease' interact with the locals.) and I just want to scream 'YOUR PROBLEMS WOULD GO AWAY IF YOU GAVE UP THAT TOXIC THINKING.' I struggle to stay optimistic, to believe in the goodness of the world and humanity. To not fall completely into bitterness and the same closed mindedness. I feel like I'm failing.

Also, fuck Fox News in general.

The dogs are aging out from under me, it feels like. Chai jumped for a toy earlier this week and did... something to himself. He limped from a bit from his front, and still can't land properly jumping off the bed(which he insists on throwing himself off of multiple times a night) and is having trouble going up and down stairs. Yesterday he refused to eat breakfast.

Yesterday Sofi had a stroke or a seizure or something of that nature. She's having trouble finding her away around the house, or recognizing things, people, patterns - something's definitely sideways with her processing, even today though she appears to be recovering a bit. Or at least coping better.

Today Rita has a sort of a muscle tick in a back leg. I hope it doesn't mean she had a seizure last night, or is going to have one today.

Tobi is alright, I guess. Still haven't solved his panic with being in a crate - he pulled apart a wire crate earlier this week, the third he's done that too, on top of the airline kennel he wrecked last winter.

Belle, for the sake of mentioning her, is a very good girl. She did figure out how to open the front door, but she did come right to me without fuss. I can't imagine what it's like to be her and have all available examples of one's own species just... falling apart all at once. I hope she doesn't pick up any bad behaviors.

I'm so tired. There's not enough sleep in the world.
anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
I just can't handle world events lately. It's bizarre and surreal and so very, very frightening. The sort of terror that I know, even when someday this is all long in the past, I'll still feel it.

Chai had an old dog day today. He was standoff-ish last night, clingy before wake up this morning, and threw up at breakfast. I'm so glad we have a big porch now, that can be closed off so he could safely lay outside in the sunlight. We trained him too well to go outside when he's feeling ill, that when he couldn't at the last house it stressed him out and made him sicker.

He recovered. He's fine, but it's disquieting to be so reminded that he is aging. At 12 he's an old dog by any measure. I'm not ready for that.

The icy is going out, day by day. It's been sunny and warm. There were loons and ducks and geese on the lake today. Already I miss the ice and snow.
anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
Somehow I wrote nearly 4,000 words today. I'm not sure how, and I have no clear idea of what I wrote. Stuff. The characters doing things. But I'm closer to actually getting caught up, so that's something. Many thanks to the official NaNo Sprints twitter - once again I would not make it through without them, and apparently fighting for the honor of Hufflepuff can do amazing things for my wordcount.

It's still a bit weird, being three hours off 'normal'. There are whole twitter feeds I don't see anymore.

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I ended up listening to the first four, or five, or six? episodes of the Black Tapes Podcast. It's exactly the sort of creepy shit I love. Reminds me of the X-files and the Twilight Zone, and of late nights listening to Coast to Coast. I love it, but it did creep me out. I've have a lower tolerance for creepy stuff since the time I got so sleep deprived while watching Marble Hornets that I had hallucinations.

So I got a late start today, my brain elsewhere in creepy land and distracted. Apparently Rita injured Chai. I worry about my red boy. I hope he's ok. I hate that I'm gone from him so much.

16,876/50,000

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anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
Jean T

June 2017

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