anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
I got thinkin' about that 'everything in hawaii at noon is a bad video game render' tumblr post, and you know? i wish move video games actually looked like that, in the sense of... hmm, geo position diversity? Having places where there AREN'T shadows at noon, or locations where the sun doesn't completely set at night, where that was a deliberate part of the setting. What a sense of distance it would have created, for Hyrule's Akkala to never experience true darkness or linger in darkness for 90% of the day? If noon in the Gerudo desert had meant a near complete lack of shadows? Or Thedas! Somewhere north of Seheron and the Anderfels is a land without shadows, and south of the Kocari Wilds is a dark of ceaseless darkness and endless light. (midnight sun with two moons would be a pretty badass setting; what would the elves there be like? does the border of the veil shimmer in the air like the northern lights?)

My head hurts just thinking about the coding an open world game would need to pull that off. But honestly there's no reason why something along the lines of a Final Fantasy or a Dark Souls couldn't do that, they already have in limited ways. Heck, the load times in Dragon Age are long enough. 

anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
It's a lovely, soft rainy day. I slept well enough - still having trouble accepting that I do need to go to bed at night. Having responsibilities sucks. I want to stay up all night reading and let someone else handle the mornings. Lately it's felt like all the thoughts are happening in my brain all at once and it's hard to focus on just one to get it out.

I received Down Among The Sticks And Bones on Friday, and I'm so excited. Every Heart A Doorway is... everything. DAtSaB doesn't have to be everything, it just being is enough. But I'm putting off reading it a bit, because I want to clean out my brain some. I also found my misplaced copy of Steering The Craft, which is one of those truly great books on writing. Which is... I've hit this point, where a lot of writing advice just isn't helpful. I may not have gone anywhere career-wise, but in writing theory it feels like I'm well beyond that entry level journeyman advice. So things like Steering the Craft, Get To Work Hurley, Wonderbook, and the occasional twitter thread are precious. You know now that I write that I see how it times in - how the need for more higher level craft insights has driven me to meta, lore, and analysis. The ruthless breaking down of stories, laser focused cause and effect. And let me tell you, Dark Souls and it's relatives are a GOLDMINE for that. I could speculate that it had something to do with how we have to dig for basically ALL the story in the Souls games, but nah.

So yeah, it goes like this: long form Dark Souls lore/analysis videos are great to play to fall asleep - yo Bloodborne is just as good/even better! - ongoing Themes of cosmic horror in my life(if Cthulhu himself arose out of the lake I'd be like 'sure fine it's just another Tuesday around here') - tumblr memes - oh hey this one book is really awesome(EVERYONE READ WINTER TIDE OKAY?!) - I kinda want to write in this vein - ...might as well read Lovecraft now.

I haven't actually, not in any focused way, and I've just been in that mood for awhile so why not? His stuff is fairly short and readable surprisingly. I think there might be a lesson in there, about about how his mythos as he wrote it wasn't that well suited to longer forms, as well as how to craft short stories. And I mean, he was so good at harnessing readers' imaginations that his works seem so much more then they actually are? (Hardly anyone talks about the craft aspect, which is interesting. And well, standard disclaimer here about how he was an actual trainwreck, but that's not what I'm here for today.) (I read something recently about how he encouraged others to take his mythos and run? There are conflicting reports, but I am Intrigued.)

The thing about actually reading Lovecraft's stories is while I am aware that the narrative is pushing me to be repulsed, disgusted, etc, what I actually feel for the characters is sympathy. To use The Dunwich Horror as an example, since it's the freshest in my mind - I can't find it in myself to be unsettled by a disabled woman and her eccentric farmer father? or the woman's heavily autistic-coded son? Ultimately the 'spooky/scary other' falls completely flat for me, doing so so much as to upset the entire tea cart of the story. It's a bit of a quirk of the writing style, that the bigotry can be attributed wholly to the narrator(something that is not helped, confusingly enough, by the Wilbur being a self insert. wtf lovecraft.) 

The result of ignoring the narrator's opinions is it then reads as a tragedy of the complications of raising half-human children, and of not fitting the social mold. Our only solid source of for the Whateleys' motivations is the questionable translations of a child's diary. Looking at it that way makes monsters of the stuffy old white men of academia that we're being fed as the heroes. It's kind of amazing that it can so easily be read that way, and explains some of the longevity of Lovecraft's mythos. It's an interesting exercise in itself to view the story through both the lens of the author, and on its own. Death of the author and all that. 

I'm not sure if I got out all my thoughts about this. It's taken a long time to write this entry, due to my brain just being a bad brain in general. I feel like my knowledge and understanding of this whole subject is much less sophisticated then it could be. Here is a link to The Dunwich Horror, in case one might want to read it for themselves.

Addendum: thoughts on the Call of Cthulhu. My audiobook tells me that I've been pronouncing R'lyeh wrong this entire time(audio, btw, is an excellent format for these stories.) My original above thoughts stand, about perspective and how Lovecraft's stories are like prisms, and you can get something totally different with how you turn it. It was a bit amusing that it seemed like he was deliberately padding for wordcount by repeating plot points over and over again, and I got the impression that he didn't really know meanings of all of the big words he used - I wonder how many readers do? "an angle which was acute, but behaved as if it were obtuse." is still objectively hilarious.

Sort of confluence of all this is a story idea, something I'm pondering for an attempt at July's Camp Nano. It's definitely more of a gothic story, the cosmic horror stuff got mushed in there because *gestures upwards* I don't brain good in the summer though, and camp nanos have never gone well for me, on top of potential business, so we'll see if it happens.

8tracks playlist of the week - sounds nice in stormy weather and "It was so dark that it was even hard to hear"
anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
It's a hard thing to explain, but it feels good to journal again. Even though it feels like useless... hmm. useless baring of self. certainly, it has no purpose. idk.

Tired, sore. Stayed up late-ish last night to watch American Gods, got up early today to see mom off on her road trip to the west coast. Haven't slept well lately in general, and I just hurt all over for no good reason and moving about is a challenge. Looking forward to about two weeks of managing everything on my own.

Yesterday was for shopping. I missed the live E3 coverage, but I guess all I missed was getting attached to a really nice looking game before we all found out the creator is actual trash? Also I guess more on the new Bioware game? I'll have to check it out. I'm not focusing well on today's livestreams either - I've got a lot of catching up to do. Did watch EA's - eh? Honestly I'm not invested in anything. A Way Out has potential for neat use of mechanics. I like seeing developers making use of the medium. That dress though, totally stole the show. Look at the shwoosh! Star Wars games though... they just make me miss Factor 5 and Rogue Squadron.

Rec: Get To Work Hurley, Kameron Hurley's podcast, is excellent. If you can it's super worth it to get her behind-the-scenes videos on patreon too. Solid writing advice all around.
anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
It's hot - 85 inside, gods knows what outside and I'm not even going to look humidity. All I know is I'm miserable inside, it's worse outside, and we can't afford to turn on the AC. There's no breeze either. At least it's too hot for bonfires... for now.

I made iced coffee this morning. First attempt - too much cream. Attempts will continue.

I almost forgot E3 was this weekend. I find it comforting to sink into the hype for a bit, to wrap up in the slick press conferences and streamed discussions. Makes it easy to forget for a moment that I won't ever play the vast majority of the games. In another life I actually became a gaming journalist.

So this week I had a... revelation. Walking two senior dogs three+ times a day, you end up with a fair amount of time to think while you wait for them to remember to tend to their business, and the thought that came to me was this - I wonder if growing up with an extended family for whom nothing was good enough has ANYTHING to do with why I have so much trouble interacting with online communities. Ya suppose? It's one of those things, being able to look back and say 'that was a really unfair way to treat a child'. Nothing like being held to a high standard by narcissists. I mean that's not the sole reason I treat social interaction of all kinds like hot iron, but it's probably one of the building blocks.

I try not to think about how posting this is technically interacting on a social network. If I did I'd basically have to never touch the internet ever. (Oh hey, a reason I occasionally disappear!)

8tracks playlist of the week : Take my soul
anindigomind: a headshot of a red australian cattle dog looking unimpressed (Chai)
we found out this morning that my mom's close friend Deb, Chai and Rita's human grandma, passed away last night. It was... sudden and utterly unexpected. It still hasn't completely sunk in - feels like any moment they'll call and say there's been some sort of mix up, because how could Deb possibly be gone? She and mom were in the middle of a project, mom had plans to stay with her for several months this year, there was talk of her coming to visit... and suddenly none of that is happening? Who are we supposed to talk to about this? There was none better a friend then Deb.

Her dog is in good hands. Elle continues to be probably the best cared for acd in the country.

Just... dear friends, take care of yourselves. Don't put things off, especially your health.

testing

May. 24th, 2017 04:10 pm
anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
testing out cross posting, nothing overly important to see here.

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