Nov. 22nd, 2015

anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
I did it. I'm caught up. It's been a wild couple of days getting to this point, but here I am. I think I proved something to myself - that I really can do this. I really can't write this much in a day, and it's not a struggle. Because while it took time, it wasn't that terrible a struggle - for the most part the words flowed. The characters lived and breathed.

I started yesterday at 7k behind and with prior appointments. I packed up and ended up typing away in the back corner of a Chuck E Cheese, which I believe tops my two previous contenders for Weirdest Place To Write - the dressing room of a hot yoga studio, and the middle of a psychic shop(with bonus chihuahua lap buddy.) My only internet connection was my phone, but how exactly do I pass up Sailor Moon themed sprints? I don't. I wrote like 3k there.

(Dinner was pho, because St Cloud has a place and the Red Robin STILL isn't open. They haven't even finished with the tyvek. Then we dropped by Barnes & Noble. I got two drinks at Starbucks because the tired barista made the wrong drink at first, and I don't turn down free caffeine/sugar.)

Today it snowed. Gentle little white flakes all day, gathering just a thin layer over the ground. I slept well and woke up before the dogs started nagging at me for once, though the muscles of my left chest are still sore. Wish I knew why. In the afternoon I sat down and gave myself over to writing sprints on Twitter - the NaNoHouseCup is another one. Nothing like fighting for the glory of Hufflepuff! I wrote another 7k, and really settled into who the characters were and what the world they lived in entailed.

Really what helped was reaching the point where I gave no more fucks. The realization, which I have to make anew every time, that I don't have to answer to anyone about anything. These characters had have the kind of relationship I want them to have. It doesn't have to be framed in a sexual way - it came be the sort of sweet and close interaction that I've always wanted from books. I can build whatever sort of world I want, change scenes when I feel like, and infodump to my heart's content - fuck the narrative police. They don't get to read it anyway.

At some point I realized that these characters now live beyond 50k words, that they live beyond a single story. It's more like 'The Ongoing Adventures', which is going to be musing.

I think, I've come to a point where I need to give up trying so hard. I just need to write, for me. No for the outline, not for the story, not for the market or for any audience. That hasn't been working. That's what I mean when I say I want to quit writing. I don't want to quit these worlds, these characters, playing with the elements of their mythology. I want to quit the stress and disappointment. The loneliness. How can I be so lonely, with so many people in my head?

It's time that I get some sleep.

38,291/50,000

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anindigomind: screenshot of true-form Midna from Hyrule Warriors (Default)
Jean T

February 2019

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